Happy Holiday's!

Cherish every moment, second of your life. Because God didn't have to show you mercy enough to live through this. Live through it!

The Fog..............

You know when things seem to be such a hazy fog all I can do is pray. My condition seems to waiver all the time, but my faith and happiness  should sustain in spite of. It should never be subjected to change with what I'm going through. Sometimes I think that I don't have the right to ask of God that I need more of his attention, time, and the continuous improvements in my life. I don't deserve it but I'm asking.

When my disease sorta had taken control of my life my thought process was so unclear, I couldn't think straight, remember anything, or place things in the right place.   Lord, I couldn't even remember my shift at work. My body automatically shifted into survival mode,. It was sleep, and eat which opened a window for a whole lot of trouble. That's a entirely different subject. But the fog that's been in my brain lately has been a real handicap to me, let alone the many distraction of not taking my medications right, relationships woes, and the test in my spiritual state that I feel links with my natural or physical body. I'm continuously having to review what I just did, write, and appointments. That's pretty depression for someone at the age of thirty-two , who's been a manager, leader, student. All them things require a great level of memory, focus, and ability to multi-task. Right now I cant do none of them but I'm trying to remain hopeful. I've accomplish so much in such a short amount of time compared to what the doctors think.

Out of all the medications to cover up the symptoms, why can't someone give me something to cover up this.

Here's what's next!

http://buff.ly/1FjxP2A

I don't look like what I'm going through!

I was taught to never look like what I'm going through. When I was just a little girl, I don't know if any of my other cousins remember but I do. It was said when you feel your worst, that is when you are suppose to look your best. Many people don't realize with the two chronic illnesses I have my roller coaster or yo-yo gets a little steeper and  the turns are a little sharper. It's hard to be surrounded by people who speculate instead of encourage. Our culture has destroyed anything that is to believe that is good and diminish the lights of people who shine. Negativity breeds like bacteria and hope is rarely, truly found without a price. Unless it is given from God. I often say to God please move me out of this place, period and time because sometimes in my heart, in all the matters that bother me this is not where I would see my personal sanctuary. But then I think ever so often flower's bloom in peculiar places. Coals have a process to turn into diamonds and gold is also perfected be the heat. There is beauty hidden in one's heart throughout all the imperfection's, no matter what a person looking in see's.

Then I started thinking why do I continue to look my best in front of such a rude, surely, sour acting group of people. Because it is a part of my equipment to fight, it makes me feel good to look good, it helps me smile when I don't even feel like it. I can sit back on snare remarks and gossip, just knowing I'm a good person inside and I most likely look better than you. God never meant for his people to look homely, unattractive, what you look like represents yourself  before you ever open your mouth. So therefor that's what I do, it's me, it's who I am, take it or leave it. Put a sock in your mouth cause you don't know my story, you just see what's going on in my appearance. I was taught to present myself well. But you don't know what pain I endure, what it took for me to get dress, how I feel in a crowd. Thank God I don't look like what I been through.

Get excited about New Drugs!

There will be several new drugs rolling out this coming year for the relapse-remitting folk. Although there is still no cure, medical research is starting to think outside the box with a different way to regenerate and repair damage cells and myelin. Regardless the Lord is still just one prayer away. http://buff.ly/1wP4FC5

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Your-Best-Life-Update--November-Enews.html?soid=1098465471136&aid=EyAXuVO_J-U

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Your-Best-Life-Update--November-Enews.html?soid=1098465471136&aid=EyAXuVO_J-U

For the Future will worry about itself !

Lester Kern Art Gallery

Matthew 6: 31-34

³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.



Often many times I find myself worrying about my future because it's so uncertain. Living in uncertainty is one of the worst headspaces anyone can be. One of the best things I've always been able to do is plan, but I came down with MS and Gillian Barre it's like I can not see beyond what I am doing right now. I feel obligated to make a way for my self to survive, thrive, be successful. I'm talented at many things and have a variation of skills, but I cant think of what I want to do now. All I know is that I want to be a leader, well known for my skill level. 



But as we all know anyone with this illness, who has a severer case knows it hard to remember what your doing walking in from room to room. Or how about just getting out of bed because your body wont exactly move in the morning's. I need to be a boss my own boss, but I don't know in what I should I specialize in. But I believe in God and I know he would order my steps in his word, grant my desires of my heart as long as I see this through

The Nightmares of Dating

In bed today because my doctor talked me into the flu shot. I had a relapse over a cold and a mix up in my medications. But any whoo I was thinking about some nightmares I've been having over a man sticking his tongue out like a snake force himself on me trying to kiss me after I clearly said no. So gross.....I was thinking that I had to be more open minded in dating, but I just realized I don't have to settle for someone that Im not attracted to. He is gross, this man has being a ladies man with being a gentlemen. The last straw for me was, Im still recovering from my relapse and Im very fatigued. As I was telling him I was tired, he made a comment "your always tired". I cant date no one who doesn't understand my illness, my symptoms are invisible but their are there. Im not ready to date, cause I can barely hold my composer when a smart comment is made. If we weren't in church I would've told him how out of place, out of style, and unchristian he truly was.

Being open minded and settling are two different things. I thought I had to settle because I wasn't sure if someone would still love me with my two illness that are very uncertain. I still deserve a gentlemen, who will honor my boundaries, respect the aspect of my illness, and support me. He was so gross and disgusting of a man, I've been having nightmares of the kiss we had. I feel so violated because I absolutely do not respect this man. Maybe, I should hold off on dating till I get myself together the way I would like to be.

KH

I failed

I was going good for a while, about two weeks ago I came down with a cold. It's still lingering, but triggered a relapse. Relapses but a kink in all your plans because you never know when they are actually happen. I caught and admitted to myself it was happening  so it saved a lot of recovery time. Learning and planning through these different processes has become and art in just a manner of two years. I had put a support group together for myself, my connection of doctor's at the same hospital, my girlfriends with spare key's to my place and always a just in case bag packed away in my closet. With my father contact information every where someone would look.  By going to a hospital within network of my physicians it save me so much time and effort of explaining my situation. They had all my medications and health history on file which contributed to a short stay  in inpatient.

I still have yet to manage the art of managing my fatigue. It's a thin line between finding your new normal and over doing it.

KH