It is said in Acts it is not for us to worry about the time of the season because it is in God's Authority. I want to say I worry because I'm human, but also heartbroken that people let others live like this. And as I experience these different circumstances, a person is only as good as the knowledge they retain. All I should be worried about is getting better, and it almost seems impossible. It takes a lot of prayer, and will power to want to survive through your greatest trial's. I often wonder how people prevent themselves from breaking down. Or even why another person would want to see you all broken down but still barely want to help you. I try my best not to keep a negative attitude but sometimes it's like wading through the marshes. It's uncomfortable, you never know what your walking through and if your not careful it could be deadly. I guess that's why I started this blog. In the past besides working, what I've always enjoyed the most is making my personal experience count in a way that it must touch others. You can either hate me or love me, but either at onetime or another I gave you all I could at the time.
At this time, it crucial that I give all I got to have a quality of life. It's funny how one day your strong enough to take on the whole world but the next day sometimes you can barely lift up your head. Because this disease is so unpredictable, and there is a real lack of connection between doctor and patient, and/or knowledge base of neurological diseases amongst the medical field we suffer.
There are some things that just don't make sense, when your sick you go to the doctor, get your medicine, get better so you can join the fight again. As to are many that never think there is nothing wrong with you so they disregard you and basically throw you away, like your out for the count. It is so frustrating to be in a almost helpless state. By the time I was getting the help I need I was losing my speech. And every once in awhile it still goes. All I can think of is never lose your own voice because no one else can speak on your behalf better than you.
It's hard to stay well when even most of the time doctors, and the different social services don't understand or believe in your sickness or the things that are necessary to keep you functioning. Seriously, sometimes I want to lose my temperament and say would you like to trade places, I could see if there was something I could've done to prevent me from being ill. But my illness and the wide range of its parameter's are still being defined.
I often get anxiety of this perplexed situations, because I always asked the Lord when. When am I completely get well, why so many intense treatments, how and how long can I make all these financial issues at bay. Being on disability is pointless, especially if you have ever worked. It is hard for a person who isn't elderly to get services and treatments that they need to recover or have a quality of life standard. I fear the most of having to go without medicine and treatments that has turned my situation around. How am I going to maintain myself, even though I'm not fully recovered. I'm afraid that I might yet have to risk my wellbeing to show job and family services (just them for right now) that you can't just cut someone off . I want to make a plan, but without being discriminated against( because it's still there) I won't able to hold my own without going through the ringer again. Again this is just my fears but they are valid. I'm educated and have tremendous amount of work experience. I loved my work, but have no clue of what my future may hold because it didn't go as planned.
